The 4 year old & Christmas

I have a son, he is 4, and he has asked me every SINGLE day for almost a month if it was Christmas. You think the logic would play out... no gifts under the tree yet, Daddy's going to work, we're not in cute PJ's so we don't look like crap for the "Christmas morning pictures". Nope. He can think of nothing else! The snow we've had has totally thrown him off because surely if he wakes up and there's snow on the ground it's Christmas, right?!? This morning he walked out, put his hands on his hips and said "Where are all the presents?!" Sorry buddy, we still have 6 more days. He almost cried, sat down on the couch, and proceeded to tell me that he's not sure he likes Christmas anymore because it takes so long to get here. Oh my. Has he forgotten all the times I've asked him if he remembers what Christmas is really about??? REMEMBER BABY JESUS?! Of course he does, but he's so caught up in getting the gifts. I feel, in a way, that I've done something wrong. We do Santa and we've asked him what he wants for Christmas, but I didn't think he'd get so consumed. Was I like this?? (The answer is yes, I'm sure.)
Confession: I haven't really done anything for anybody else this Christmas season. In the past we've went to help feed someone that can't afford it, or gotten an angel off of a tree, or SOMETHING, but not this year. It's so easy to get consumed in ourselves, isn't it? To be so caught up in things that, excuse me, truly don't matter in the end. Gift giving and getting is awesome- especially to the ones you love... to see their faces light up is truly priceless. I just hope that we don't ever feel justified in asking our children, or ourselves, "What's the true meaning of Christmas, getting the answer "Jesus", and then continue on in our consumerism and selfishness. Ouch- that sounded harsh, but it's true. God forgive me. I want to always have balance in my life, and try and somehow pass that balance on to my children. I want to look beyond myself and realize the world is BIG. While I go out shopping and spending, I want to remember that somewhere in Ethiopia there is a 2 yr old rummaging through a trash can for food with no mommy or daddy... or hope for that matter. I want to keep the bigger picture, not just at Christmas, but always. Jesus, show me every day ways that I can be You to those who need Your love and Your truth.
Can you inspire me? How have you gone beyond yourself this Christmas season?? Please share! If you, like me, haven't looked beyond yourself, I'll tell you what I just told Jonah. We still have 6 more days :-)

Something Special

I'm am a sucker for some snuggle time... with Jay or the kiddos~ I'll take what I can get!! Tonight was super sweet & special. Jay's been out of town for work and got in right before dinner. We missed him so much and he missed us & home as well. After dinner we all got in our "comfies", as we call them, and snuggled under a blanket. This is after we've turned off all the lights but the ones on the Christmas tree & the mantle. Then we started singing Silent Night, Jingle Bells, O Christmas Tree. I stay home with my kids for many reason, but also because I get a high off of those "my heart is so full it could burst" moments, and I was kinda having one tonight. Jonah was singing, Savannah was singing (in her own little way), and I once again realize how blessed I truly am. Maybe I should rename my blog "The Little Things" because they truly mean so much. Blogging has made me realize how ridiculously mushy I am. Geez! In all seriousness~ We're warm, our bellies are full, our bodies are clothed, we really want for nothing. We should all go to our warm beds thanking God for all that we have. If we wake up and do the same, I'm pretty sure our day won't be bad at all.

Laughing... in spite of myself!!

Yesterday Jay kissed me to head off to work, and I grabbed my coffee mug as usual geared & prepared for the week ahead. Ahh- wonder what we'll do today?? (I said to myself.) Two seconds later, Jay is back, his car won't start, and he's taking my car. Crap... guess I'll Christmas decorate and find myself doing things that needed doing around the house anyway. Did all that (ok, fine, not all of it!), and then today we are stuck in the house again. It has poured rain all day and as I sit and blog away it's actually dark outside. Does this show what time I post??? Yeah- it's only 4:40. What.the.heck?!? I am not very fond of this at all. I will write a letter to the weather channel and state my disgust... surely they can do something about this. If I had millions I would either 1. Have a house in the tropics and say SEE YA LATER in the winter, or 2. Invent some kind of indoor sun machine that acts like the sun where we could put on our swimsuits in the living room and get a tan... like a big tanning bed, but not. I think more on that one.

Today has been a funny one. Funny in a way that there have been many moments where I just laugh because I can't do anything about it. Savannah has wanted to be held all day and is super sensitive. If Jonah even looks at her wrong she starts "crying". Note the quotation marks... it's not real. Jonah, my 4 year old, has somehow lost his will to use his own brain and be creative to play or find something to do on his own. Lots of whining. Lots. Thank God for friends to talk to and laugh about it with... friends who totally understand where you're at and what you're dealing with. I love you Jennifer! I told her that we have watched TV too much today, ate carbs for lunch, and really have done nothing productive. WAIT- we DID paint Christmas ornaments that turned out super cute. I've gotta put a picture in them, but- that's productive. Score :)
Anyway- Jay's coming home late and I'm just here... with a pile of laundry in my living room floor that I'm going to do while watching a movie. It'd totally be done already if those little college brats didn't invent Facebook. Dang facebook time waster. Wait- what's so and so doing that I haven't talked to in 13 years?? GOTTA KNOW. (Yeah, right). Once again, laughing at myself!! It's good to have these days. I think it keeps me in check. Tabitha is normal. I have crap days, I yell at my kids when I shouldn't, my house is never really clean, and well, excuse me- I'm not telling you everything!! I am STILL super awesome and rock at what I do. I know this and that's why I can laugh. Baha, haha, haha. (and no, I will not put 'lol' because frankly I've come to hate 'lol'... especially when people think they can put it on the end of everything they "say" on the computer. It annoys me.) Anyway- go laugh at yourself!! I still like you even if you use 'lol'... it's just a personal thing. No worries :-)

The Day After

Thanksgiving in all it's gloriousness has come and gone. I woke up at 5:30 this morning to say our last goodbye, and as I look around, my house shows remnants of those who have come... and gone. For those of you that have family right around the corner, or even somewhat close by, you should be thankful. I hate saying goodbye. I actually heard Boys II Men singing 'It's so hard to say goodbye' in my head before the sun came up this morning. I guess saying that says 'Hello everyone, I'm in my 30's', but it's true!! Oh no, now I just thought of those awkward 8th grade dances. Let's move on...
The point is to say it's so fabulous to see family and the chaos that comes with it all, but it does seem a little empty when it's all over after holidays, doesn't it? I have to admit, I did love having my Starbucks Sumatra and laying my head on the studhubs chest watching the sun come up over the horizon... in silence. God, I love him. I loved seeing the sun accenting his eyelashes... his face... Umm, sorry- sometimes I can't help myself when it comes to him.
So with that sunrise comes a new day. A day when my fall decorations that I LOVE have to come down to make way for the Christmas decorations that, honestly, I'm not really ready to pull out. A new day that I get to be with my family before the craziness of a new week and the month of December bring. I love new days and new sunrises- it's such a gift, really. It's freaking awesome. If it's been a while before you truly sat and watched the sun come up, you gotta do it. Soon.
It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new life~ and I'm feelin' good :) Hope you are too.

Gobble, gobble

Someone on Twitter said that all the Christmas songs had been taken pretty much, so somebody should start writing Thanksgiving songs!! Brilliant idea dude, simply brilliant. I think today mine would be "I'm dreaming of some cornbread dressing... and crockpot macaroni & cheese." I do look forward to seeing my family but let's face it- most of look forward to eating foods that we try to keep forbidden the rest of the year. Foods that you not only eat once heaped up on your plate, but may actually go back for seconds, and then have leftovers later that night. Let's not even mention desserts.

3 cheers for a gym membership for Christmas. I swear that's what I'm asking for. Crap on all the people that get up tomorrow morning to workout or walk to burn off those future calories. Suck it up... take it like a real woman and just eat one day and not feel bad about it. I do it all the time. OH WAIT... crap again. I guess that's why I'm asking for a gym membership for Christmas and buying sizes that I don't want to. Maybe you're on to something... oh well, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, really?!?

Tuesday. My nose is stuffy, so I can't breathe. Jonah would not (once again) cooperate at the dentist's office, so I now have to take him to Knoxville for God knows what. It's raining and dreary out. My house is a mess and there will be company here tomorrow so I have so many things to do. I really want to go shopping or get something cute to wear when I go to South Carolina for Thanksgiving, but there's no way I have the time or energy to do that today, and I really don't need to spend the money anyway. Why am I such a complainer today???? I mean, really. Does anybody else feel the funk??

Thanksgiving is in 2 days and yet I sit here with a lap full of complaints... with so very much in my life to be thankful for. How I act, feel, re-act is all my choice. I teach that to my 4 yr. old but don't truly have a grip on it myself. SO... Here I sit.

I will choose to be thankful. Thankful for this warm home- warm in so many ways. Thankful for friends, both new and old who make my life so much better. Thankful for this mess- mostly made by 2 treasured amazing gifts that God has entrusted to me. Jonah & Savannah have made me a better person and have made my life AMAZING. Thankful that I got to kiss the face of a man this morning who walks in Godly character, who sings & plays music with me, a great husband & daddy. Oh my goodness- I really could go on and on and on for the things that I am thankful for. I mean, really... on and on and on. So with the tears welling up in my eyes, I realize that my choice to sit here and write this has changed my attitude in minutes. WOW. My heart is full.

I'm getting off of here to wipe my eyes and get moving on this day with a new outlook & a fresh perspective. Lord, You are good. I come to You with a heart of thanks and praise for all You are, and for all You've done and are going to do. I lay my burdens and pettiness down at Your feet and surrender this day to You. Thank You for taking care of me, for always knowing what I need when I need it. So I choose to be grateful and thankful THIS day... the day YOU have made for me. Love you Jesus.

The Studhubs

The past two days I've woken up thinking about him. How I love to be wrapped up in his arms and how we just fit together. No one else knows me the way he does and yet he loves, loves, loves me. Sigh. I mean, let's be honest... marriage ain't easy. My marriage has been on the brink at times, and both Jay and I have just done stupid selfish things. Looking out for numero uno doesn't get you very far and just really makes you miserable. However, we've come into this nice place of knowing each other and looking out for what the other cares for.  We'll be married 10 years in May and I look back and see how we've grown up together in a sense... and it really does just keep getting better. My lover is mine and I am his. I'm so glad that he is the one I get to go through this wonderful, crazy life with. Love you Jay. Always.

(If I could figure out how to add a picture, I would insert one of his handsome face right here.)

Sunday

Better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house... than thousands elsewhere. We sang this song today and it's such a beautiful song. Sometimes I really think it's hard to juggle "real life" with a life truly walking and living in Jesus. I do know this... that life really is better knowing His love and experiencing His presence and everything that brings. It is by His great mercy that I can just run to Him and be exactly who I am, flaws and all, and He scoops me up and twirls me around- just happy that I came to Him. Ah Jesus... I love you so much. Words can't express. Selah

Here we go...

Why I've waited so long to jump on the blogger bandwagon, I have no idea. I do know that I need a place to express my thoughts because I have so many that I need to get out. Here's to hoping they'll be worth reading, but mostly it'll feel good to just get it out of my head and onto paper, um, well- the computer. I type much faster than I write, so it'll be like my online journal- as I'm sure it is for many bloggers out there. Here's to me, here's to writing, and here's to life on a blog :)