The Gathering

Tonight our home will be filled with people coming for one purpose... to worship the Savior. We want to love on Him and just pour out what we have at His feet and adore Him. I look forward to this every single month because, even though I worship Him alone and even at "church", there is something about coming together in a small group expecting His presence to show up. Truly expecting the Holy Spirit to show up and fill us.We lift up one voice, asking the question, "What are You saying God? What are You doing??" We really are here to first love Him, but to also join with Him in what He wants here on this earth. I love that He has showed us that we really can join in with Heaven and His purpose. I am created for more than just the obvious... so are you. So we will wait with expectancy. We will drop our agenda and everything we think this life is about and, well, wait. WAIT. WAIT. We wait for You God to show us who You are, what You're doing, and how You want us to join with You and bring Your glory here to where we are. Oh- and of course we will have fun doing it. There is such freedom is the abandonment to His will and purpose, isn't there?? I am free, I am beautiful, I am loved, I am accepted, I have an amazing voice... I could go on and on... yet I boast not in myself, but who I am in HIM. A favorite worship leader just tweeted "I love it when my kids tell me how wretched they are. It fills my heart with such joy. NOT!!!! I wonder if he feels the same?" Oh- and also "Singing songs about how sucky I am doesn't bring Him an ounce of glory. Singing about who he says I am does." (Thanks Brian!!)

Anyway- I'm excited. I'm expecting. I wait in anticipation.



We wait for You to come and show Your glory here today. Come and fill this place.

I'm a slacker.

Forgive me blogworld... it's been a while! Winter is really NOT my favorite season, and why post about hating the cold and staying home more than you want?? That's no fun, and I really like being fun and happy.
I have something to share with you today as my oldest child is at Mother's Day Out, and my youngest is all nestled and sleeping. Here's the big one... I'm driving a (GASP) Minivan. Yes, it's true. If you know me at all, and you didn't already know that I have this new vehicle, you're probably in shock. TAB?!? Minivan?!? I'll say it again... YES, it's true. Here's the kicker... I actually really like it. We needed a new car and ventured out last Saturday and came home with a Honda Odyssey. It's exactly what we needed and wanted, and a total answer to prayer. God is so good and, as I shared with my bible study group yesterday, He keeps showing me that I'm His favorite. I just love Him. (p.s. You're His favorite too~ just start believing it and acting like it.) I still have a sports car mentality, personality, and heart, just need some space, you know?? Anyway- it's just one more way to show that I'm not defined by a job, a car, a house, what I wear... anything material really. I am who I am simply because I'm ME, and I actually like me because my confidence comes in who I am in my Father~ that's a good feeling. I really like it. If you don't feel close enough to God to call him "Abba"... daddy ... to actually feel like a favorite son or daughter ... there's so much that you're missing. I hope you find the place of freedom that He desires for you because it's a beautiful, wonderful place. Let go, my friend. Life is just better when you're in love with Jesus. So glad I know this and can share it with you.
Have a great day, and may the Lord arrest you with His love in a new and refreshing way. It's not about religion, it's about relationship.
Now, go do something fun and enjoy this life!!!!!!!!

The ups & downs of no TV

So, for several reasons, we decided to brave a new world and have our cable turned off. WHAT?!?! NO TV?!?! Yep, we sure did. We were proud of ourselves! Heck- we can save a little money, divert the wasted time to some non-wasted time... it's a win, win. The first day really was amazing. It was quiet, and we read books and rolled on the floor with the kids... bedtime was easier... just like we knew it was going to be. Then, by about day 5, we were bored, I missed the Today's Show, and Jonah was asking me about every 5 minutes if we could watch a movie, or if there were any cartoons on. Go away boy, quit asking me!! We were all addicted and it took several days for the withdrawal stage to kick in. Now, let me say, we do watch movies, and play our Wii, and still occassionally think about turning that box back on. BUT, let me also say that I like what's not been going on around here.
In the past month, at my house, nobody has been murdered, shot, wounded, investigated, or had an autopsy. There has been no homosexuality (Ellen, HGTV), I haven't watched someone have an affair or cheat on their spouse, nor watched one guy/girl make out and "date" over 30 people. I haven't watched someone shake their a** in a skimpy outfit while my son is sitting on the couch. It really is disgusting. Hmmm. I've come to realize that I really do care what goes between my ears and I'm not so desensitized to sin. Moreover- I care extremely what my children think I allow and do not allow. I really am supposed to be Jesus to these little souls that I've been entrusted with and my prayer is that their spirits are always sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and that sin is never accepted or regarded in their lives. It's not o.k. (*Note: More than anything, I want them to know that if you do trip or screw up that Daddy God is not mad at them, but to RUN to Him, make it right, fall into His grace, and keep moving.)
Now, if you know me, you know that I am black or white... probably to the point that I somewhat annoy you, but I really don't know how else to be. I just go back to the Sunday School song from my childhood "Oh be careful little eyes what you see..." You know how it goes. How careful are you? I dare ya to join me and see how long you can go without turning on the tube. Better yet- just take time to see what you've accepted as "o.k." when really, it's not. Warning: it's not easy!! If you're reading this, I pray the Lord open your eyes, your mind, and your ears to things that you've allowed to creep in that aren't pleasing to Him. I pray that you take a new step toward tuning out the junk in life so that you can hear what He's saying and doing a little more clearly... Amen.

The 4 year old & Christmas

I have a son, he is 4, and he has asked me every SINGLE day for almost a month if it was Christmas. You think the logic would play out... no gifts under the tree yet, Daddy's going to work, we're not in cute PJ's so we don't look like crap for the "Christmas morning pictures". Nope. He can think of nothing else! The snow we've had has totally thrown him off because surely if he wakes up and there's snow on the ground it's Christmas, right?!? This morning he walked out, put his hands on his hips and said "Where are all the presents?!" Sorry buddy, we still have 6 more days. He almost cried, sat down on the couch, and proceeded to tell me that he's not sure he likes Christmas anymore because it takes so long to get here. Oh my. Has he forgotten all the times I've asked him if he remembers what Christmas is really about??? REMEMBER BABY JESUS?! Of course he does, but he's so caught up in getting the gifts. I feel, in a way, that I've done something wrong. We do Santa and we've asked him what he wants for Christmas, but I didn't think he'd get so consumed. Was I like this?? (The answer is yes, I'm sure.)
Confession: I haven't really done anything for anybody else this Christmas season. In the past we've went to help feed someone that can't afford it, or gotten an angel off of a tree, or SOMETHING, but not this year. It's so easy to get consumed in ourselves, isn't it? To be so caught up in things that, excuse me, truly don't matter in the end. Gift giving and getting is awesome- especially to the ones you love... to see their faces light up is truly priceless. I just hope that we don't ever feel justified in asking our children, or ourselves, "What's the true meaning of Christmas, getting the answer "Jesus", and then continue on in our consumerism and selfishness. Ouch- that sounded harsh, but it's true. God forgive me. I want to always have balance in my life, and try and somehow pass that balance on to my children. I want to look beyond myself and realize the world is BIG. While I go out shopping and spending, I want to remember that somewhere in Ethiopia there is a 2 yr old rummaging through a trash can for food with no mommy or daddy... or hope for that matter. I want to keep the bigger picture, not just at Christmas, but always. Jesus, show me every day ways that I can be You to those who need Your love and Your truth.
Can you inspire me? How have you gone beyond yourself this Christmas season?? Please share! If you, like me, haven't looked beyond yourself, I'll tell you what I just told Jonah. We still have 6 more days :-)

Something Special

I'm am a sucker for some snuggle time... with Jay or the kiddos~ I'll take what I can get!! Tonight was super sweet & special. Jay's been out of town for work and got in right before dinner. We missed him so much and he missed us & home as well. After dinner we all got in our "comfies", as we call them, and snuggled under a blanket. This is after we've turned off all the lights but the ones on the Christmas tree & the mantle. Then we started singing Silent Night, Jingle Bells, O Christmas Tree. I stay home with my kids for many reason, but also because I get a high off of those "my heart is so full it could burst" moments, and I was kinda having one tonight. Jonah was singing, Savannah was singing (in her own little way), and I once again realize how blessed I truly am. Maybe I should rename my blog "The Little Things" because they truly mean so much. Blogging has made me realize how ridiculously mushy I am. Geez! In all seriousness~ We're warm, our bellies are full, our bodies are clothed, we really want for nothing. We should all go to our warm beds thanking God for all that we have. If we wake up and do the same, I'm pretty sure our day won't be bad at all.

Laughing... in spite of myself!!

Yesterday Jay kissed me to head off to work, and I grabbed my coffee mug as usual geared & prepared for the week ahead. Ahh- wonder what we'll do today?? (I said to myself.) Two seconds later, Jay is back, his car won't start, and he's taking my car. Crap... guess I'll Christmas decorate and find myself doing things that needed doing around the house anyway. Did all that (ok, fine, not all of it!), and then today we are stuck in the house again. It has poured rain all day and as I sit and blog away it's actually dark outside. Does this show what time I post??? Yeah- it's only 4:40. What.the.heck?!? I am not very fond of this at all. I will write a letter to the weather channel and state my disgust... surely they can do something about this. If I had millions I would either 1. Have a house in the tropics and say SEE YA LATER in the winter, or 2. Invent some kind of indoor sun machine that acts like the sun where we could put on our swimsuits in the living room and get a tan... like a big tanning bed, but not. I think more on that one.

Today has been a funny one. Funny in a way that there have been many moments where I just laugh because I can't do anything about it. Savannah has wanted to be held all day and is super sensitive. If Jonah even looks at her wrong she starts "crying". Note the quotation marks... it's not real. Jonah, my 4 year old, has somehow lost his will to use his own brain and be creative to play or find something to do on his own. Lots of whining. Lots. Thank God for friends to talk to and laugh about it with... friends who totally understand where you're at and what you're dealing with. I love you Jennifer! I told her that we have watched TV too much today, ate carbs for lunch, and really have done nothing productive. WAIT- we DID paint Christmas ornaments that turned out super cute. I've gotta put a picture in them, but- that's productive. Score :)
Anyway- Jay's coming home late and I'm just here... with a pile of laundry in my living room floor that I'm going to do while watching a movie. It'd totally be done already if those little college brats didn't invent Facebook. Dang facebook time waster. Wait- what's so and so doing that I haven't talked to in 13 years?? GOTTA KNOW. (Yeah, right). Once again, laughing at myself!! It's good to have these days. I think it keeps me in check. Tabitha is normal. I have crap days, I yell at my kids when I shouldn't, my house is never really clean, and well, excuse me- I'm not telling you everything!! I am STILL super awesome and rock at what I do. I know this and that's why I can laugh. Baha, haha, haha. (and no, I will not put 'lol' because frankly I've come to hate 'lol'... especially when people think they can put it on the end of everything they "say" on the computer. It annoys me.) Anyway- go laugh at yourself!! I still like you even if you use 'lol'... it's just a personal thing. No worries :-)

The Day After

Thanksgiving in all it's gloriousness has come and gone. I woke up at 5:30 this morning to say our last goodbye, and as I look around, my house shows remnants of those who have come... and gone. For those of you that have family right around the corner, or even somewhat close by, you should be thankful. I hate saying goodbye. I actually heard Boys II Men singing 'It's so hard to say goodbye' in my head before the sun came up this morning. I guess saying that says 'Hello everyone, I'm in my 30's', but it's true!! Oh no, now I just thought of those awkward 8th grade dances. Let's move on...
The point is to say it's so fabulous to see family and the chaos that comes with it all, but it does seem a little empty when it's all over after holidays, doesn't it? I have to admit, I did love having my Starbucks Sumatra and laying my head on the studhubs chest watching the sun come up over the horizon... in silence. God, I love him. I loved seeing the sun accenting his eyelashes... his face... Umm, sorry- sometimes I can't help myself when it comes to him.
So with that sunrise comes a new day. A day when my fall decorations that I LOVE have to come down to make way for the Christmas decorations that, honestly, I'm not really ready to pull out. A new day that I get to be with my family before the craziness of a new week and the month of December bring. I love new days and new sunrises- it's such a gift, really. It's freaking awesome. If it's been a while before you truly sat and watched the sun come up, you gotta do it. Soon.
It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new life~ and I'm feelin' good :) Hope you are too.